


Ne cherchez plus mon coeur…

by dairyair



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Collars, Dirty Talk, Dom/sub, F/M, Humiliation, Light Angst with a Happy Ending, Light BDSM, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Porn with Feelings, Roughness, Waltzing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-13
Updated: 2020-05-01
Packaged: 2020-05-02 07:21:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 18,555
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19194322
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dairyair/pseuds/dairyair
Summary: “No, what I enjoy is the thrill of taking a strong, beautiful woman and seeing if I can break her – just for a little while.” You felt heat starting to immediately pool in your belly again.“One dance is hardly ‘breaking’ me, Xaldin,” you panted, hoping your voice didn’t betray how much pure lust had suddenly started surging through your body. Snarling, Xaldin pulled you closer to him. You moaned softly at the animalistic expression on his face.“I agree. So, how about I show you exactly what I have in mind for you,” he whispered, leaning closer.





	1. La Salle de Bal

**Author's Note:**

  * For [LittleKuroNeko](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LittleKuroNeko/gifts), [Lerine](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lerine/gifts), [KuroiNezu](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=KuroiNezu), [Freddieinwonderland](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Freddieinwonderland/gifts), [back_that_ass_butt_up](https://archiveofourown.org/users/back_that_ass_butt_up/gifts).



> les bêtes l'ont mangé…  
> Avec tes yeux de feu, brillants comme des fêtes,  
> Calcine ces lambeaux qu'ont épargnés les bêtes!
> 
> “Don’t look for my heart, the beasts have eaten it… With your fiery eyes, lit up like a holiday, burn to a cinder what shreds the beasts have left!” – Baudelaire

As a Nobody, there were certain things you could always count on to happen, no matter what. Each member of the Organization had their own idiosyncrasies that never failed to materialize. Demyx would always play his sitar and shirk responsibility. Xigbar would always annoy others with practical jokes. Luxord would always win the weekly poker match, no matter how hard you practiced. And you would always grow upset about all of this until you remembered that it wasn’t a real emotion you were feeling, per se, but just the _memory_ of an emotion, which made you even more upset, because you thought you were just as upset as if you actually had a heart, and then you thought about how this whole being-able-to-exist-without-a-heart thing didn’t make sense to you whatsoever. Which got you even more upset.

And so the cycle continued.

Oh, and Saix always assigned you to a shitty mission. Every single day.

Until the day he didn’t. And that’s when everything changed for you.

“Whaddya’ mean you’re not on today’s roster,” Demyx whined, pushing closer for another look. You shushed him by clapping a hand over his mouth and dragged him away from the roster.

“I’m telling you, Saix must’ve made a mistake. Tomorrow is listed as my day off. I get _two whole days_ free,” you whispered gleefully.

“Unfair,” Demyx muttered, breaking out of your grasp. He glanced over at Saix on the other side of the room, who was answering some questions from Luxord. You narrowed your eyes at him.

“Don’t even think about making a scene just because you’re jealous, Demyx. Just let me have this,” you begged, clasping your hands together. He sighed dramatically and crossed his arms.

“Fine, fine. But you owe me.”

“I do not,” you scoffed, glaring at him. “I’ve covered for your mistakes countless times. You owe me for infinity.”

“That’s true,” he grumbled.

“Oi, girl. Why aren’t you on today’s mission list?” Suddenly, Xaldin’s imperious voice called out to you. Turning around, you saw him glaring alternately at you and the offending list on the wall.

“It’s my day off,” you lied, glaring back at him.

“No, tomorrow is. Saix,” Xaldin called out to the blue-haired man, who came walking over with a cold stare. “Number XIV isn’t assigned to anything today. You made a mistake.”

“Tough luck,” Demyx whispered sadly, clapping you on the shoulder and walking away.

“Mistake? Number III, I do not… make… mistakes…” Number VII’s icy complaint died on his lips as he inspected the board. Xaldin couldn’t suppress a smirk. Saix’s gold eyes caught it. Clearing his throat with a snarl, the Luna Diviner pulled a pen from his pocket and scribbled something on the paper.

“What’re you doing,” Xaldin and you demanded in unison, pressing closer to see. Saix chuckled darkly. If you had a heart, it would’ve sunk.

“Number III kindly reminded me that I meant to assign you, Number XIV, with him to Beast’s Castle today. Thank you, Number III,” Saix said smoothly and then walked away.

“Nice going,” you growled, leering into Xaldin’s purple eyes. “You cost me an extra day off!”

“I’m the one who’s now stuck with you all day. _I’m_ the one being punished,” he said coldly, glaring right back at you.

“Well, maybe if you had just kept your snitching mouth shut in the first place, we wouldn’t be here!” You jabbed a finger into his chest accusingly. At the contact, Xaldin’s indifferent demeanor started to crack.

“Me!?” He stepped forward so he was towering directly over you. “Maybe if _you_ hadn’t tried so hard to skip work in the first place and had actually brought it to Saix’s attention, he would’ve assigned you someplace else. Not stuck under me,” he hissed. You blushed at his last words and the sudden closeness of his body. As you tried to step back, Xaldin wrapped a strong arm around your waist and pulled you into him. “Oh no, you don’t get to start a fight and walk away. I’m not finished with you,” he growled, lifting you up slightly so you were eye level with him. You wriggled anxiously, trying to get away. “You really need to be taught some respect, girl,” he snarled, using his free hand to hold your jaw steady.

“As much as I wish I had to a heart to truly enjoy watching you two go at each other’s throats – and believe me, I do – you both need to get going. I can’t afford for you to waste any more time squabbling here,” Saix drawled, suddenly cutting in. He must have walked back over while you were both engaged in insulting one another. You watched Xaldin’s face. At Saix’s interruption, all his emotion vanished, and his face returned to its perpetually unperturbed expression.

“Fine.” Xaldin hoisted you up onto his shoulder and summoned a dark portal.

“Hey! Put me down,” you yelled, kicking. “I can walk!”

“Funny. The only thing I thought you were capable of running was your mouth,” he deadpanned, stepping into the portal.

From where he had been laying on the couch, Xigbar cracked his eye open.

“Did Xaldin just make a _joke_?”

“It would appear so,” Saix sighed irritably, scribbling some notes on his clipboard.

“You made a mistake? Xaldin made a joke? What’s next? Will Demyx do something _useful_?”

“Hey!” The mulleted boy looked up with a hurt expression, as he tuned his sitar in the corner. “I’ll have you know-”

“Shut it, Demyx,” Numbers II and VII said in unison.

* * *

 

Hidden away high in the rafters in Beast’s Castle, you were fuming as you took notes about the goings-on of the castle’s enchanted inhabitants below you. A few hours ago, Xaldin had dumped you there, telling you to ‘make yourself useful for once’ while he took care of the Beast. There was a tightness in your chest and a boiling in your blood that overcame you whenever you interacted with Xaldin. He was the one Nobody with whom you never wanted to be paired. It was the memory of rage that filled you – of anger, and contempt…

… but the burn of desire and the need to be near him also were there. You couldn’t help it. Along with your annoyance and disdain, there was an undeniable attraction you felt for the Whirlwind Lancer. It was something primal. The heat started to build in you when you saw his brute strength, the size of his body, the curl of his upper lip, the cruel glint in his eye. Your body responded to these things instinctually somehow. When he pulled you close to him and put his hands on you, you were kicking to get away not just from him but also to get away from the memories of lust that had been flooding your body as you felt his strong arms and hands around you. Cheeks burning and teeth gritted together, you tried to forget the irrepressible thrill that had surged through you and taken your breath away when Xaldin had initially grabbed you.

‘He’s rude. He’s savage. He’s a brute. These are not good qualities. So stop imagining how he’d give you the best, roughest fuck of your life,’ you thought to yourself angrily.

“Oi, girl. Report. What have you seen?” Speak of the devil. Xaldin suddenly appeared next to you, stepping out of a portal. Not saying a word or even looking at him, you threw him your notes. “Hmmm… Hmmm… This is actually quite useful,” Xaldin murmured as he flipped through the pages. “And here I thought you were less useful than Demyx.”

“The only way I could be less useful than Demyx is if I was dead,” you muttered, rolling your eyes. Xaldin chuckled, opening another portal.

“True. That’s enough for today. Let’s go show Saix what we’ve seen.”

“And how’s the Beast?”

“Falling more and more under my control every day.”

* * *

 

The next morning, you woke up later than usual and stretched languorously, eagerly looking forward to a day filled with absolutely nothing at all. Throwing on your coat, you made your way down to the breakfast hall. As you passed Xigbar, the ponytailed man snickered.

‘Whatever, it’s just Xigbar being Xigbar,’ you thought. Nevertheless, your hands worked through your hair to make sure there were no cowlicks. Then, you turned a corner and passed Luxord – who started outright howling in laughter at the sight of you.

“Is there something on my face,” you cried out nervously, feeling your skin. The Gambler just continued laughing as he walked away. A bit further down the hall, you ran into Demyx, who kindly threw a smile your way that you sorely needed by this point.

“Demyx! Oh, thank Kingdom Hearts.” You rushed up to him. “Everyone else I’ve passed this morning has been laughing at me!”

“Don’t worry,” Demyx said soothingly, rubbing your arms. “You’ll get used to it. Trust me!”

“But _why_ are they laughing at me?” Demyx looked at you like you had just asked what a Keyblade was. You returned an equally dubious look.

“You don’t know? Haven’t you checked the assignment board for tomorrow yet?”

“It’s my day off! I’ll do it later!” Demyx sighed and gave you a hug. Flabbergasted, you awkwardly returned it.

“Do it now,” he said gently, pulling away. “Like a bandage. Just rip it straight off.” Then, the blond man walked away. With dread filling the pit of your stomach, you immediately teleported down to the ready room. There, you found a despondent Xaldin staring silently at the assignment board. You walked up behind him.

“The Superior thinks that we make a good team. He thinks that we gathered good intelligence yesterday.” Xaldin didn’t take his eyes off the board as he spoke. “We’re to be p….p…” He was choking on the last word.

“Permanently reassigned so we never have to see each other again,” you hopefully offered.

“ _Partners_ , you idiot.”

“Oh,” you said, crestfallen.

“Indeed,” Xaldin sighed, glancing down at you. You tried to return his gaze but couldn’t. Xaldin just turned on his heel and walked out of the room, nearly throwing the door off its hinges as he left. Groaning, you threw yourself on one of the empty room’s couches and closed your eyes. You didn’t want to be paired with Xaldin because you secretly wanted him. You could barely even meet his beautiful, purple eyes without going weak in the knees. But as for his reasons… you could only assume that he didn’t want to be paired with you because he loathed you (heart or no heart), just like he did everyone else. And that tore you up inside.

“How very interesting…” Your eyes snapped open. Looking up at the ceiling, you saw Xigbar grinning down at you.

“What do you want now? Come by to laugh some more?” You threw an arm over your face. “If you could give me some time to mourn in private first, that’d be appreciated.”

“No, doll, not at all. Just wanted front-row tickets to the show,” the one-eyed man explained calmly as he sauntered across the ceiling. “See, I’ve known Xaldin a long time. Before he was Xaldin, even. And he reacted just how I thought he would.” You peeked out from behind your arm. Xigbar was slowly walking down one of the walls.

“What, that he was as annoyed as if he was just told that he had to strap an actual hornets’ nest onto his face? Yeah, well, I barely know Xaldin, and I knew he’d react that way. A random stranger off the street who’s known Xaldin all of 5 seconds could tell you he’d react that way.” Xigbar waved his hand annoyedly.

“No, no, no,” he snapped, stepping onto the floor. “There are subtleties to that hulking behemoth that of which you are unaware. Believe me, that little performance was quite telling. He’s been paired with Roxas before and been less annoyed.” You groaned and shut your eyes again. “No, there’s something about you he finds… especially annoying,” Xigbar murmured, rubbing his chin.

“Gee, thanks,” you said sarcastically. Xigbar chuckled.

“You take everything at face value. That’s because you have no poker face; anyone can see what you’re thinking.” You sat up and glared at him.

“Well, if that’s the case, why hide it? Xigbar, you can fu-”

“Anyone can tell what you think about Xaldin,” he interrupted, arching an eyebrow at you. Flushing scarlet, you closed your mouth abruptly and turned away. Xigbar winked.

“Anyone but Xaldin, of course. He’s worse than you.” Could the one-eyed man really see right through your façade? “No, he’s never been able to read the ladies,” he sighed wistfully. “Anyways, what I’m saying is that, ‘The lady doth protest too much.’ ‘Lady’ here meaning ‘an enormous, full-grown man with a piss poor attitude and incredible hair,’ but you get my drift.” You were pretty sure you didn’t, so you just stood up and shook your head.

“Whatever. I’m gonna’ get breakfast if you wanna’ come.”

“I always wanna’ come, babe.”

“To _breakfast_ , you filthy, old-”

“That’s what I meant! What did _you_ think I meant?” Xigbar cackled and threw an arm around your shoulder. You halfheartedly shrugged it off.

“Listen, you’re not gonna’ fool me into thinking that Xaldin doesn’t detest me. And, let’s get one thing straight: I don’t know what you think you see in my terrible poker face, but-”

“Hey, nothing about your face is terrible. Let’s get _that_ straight. And don’t worry. Your secret’s safe with me, gorgeous. I’ve kept plenty of ‘em in my day.”

“‘Your day?’ When was that, a million years ago?”

“Give or take.” You smiled up at the old lecher. And then your eyes drifted up to the ceiling.

“You’ve left footprints all up there, you know.”

“Oh, please. That’s definitely not the worst stainage I’ve ever left on some ceilings and walls.”

“Don’t you even think about explaining what you just meant by that.”

* * *

 

For as much of a fuss that Xaldin and you made over being partnered together, the next two weeks actually didn’t go that badly. Maybe it was because Xaldin took the West Wing with the Beast and you took the East Wing with Belle, so you two didn’t have to spend that much time together. But, even when you spent time together, you found it to be easier than expected.

And your efforts were proceeding well. Belle was so disheartened that she barely left her room in the castle. And, for his part, Xaldin had convinced the Beast to lock up his furniture friends in the castle dungeon. The day Xaldin pushed a sleeping dresser into place to guard the dungeon door, you sat on the nearby staircase with your chin on your fist.

“This is the strangest excuse for a guard I’ve ever seen, Number III, and I’ve seen Demyx drunk, trying – unsuccessfully, I might add – to guard a lamp he mistook for a prisoner,” you said bemusedly as Xaldin heaved the furniture into place.

“Unsuccessfully?”

“He tripped over the cord and nearly broke his neck.” Xaldin laughed.

“Well, I assure you, this will do a better job than the Nocturne. She gets very ornery when she’s woken. And we have to make due with what we have.” You shrugged as Xaldin dusted his hands on his jacket, and you two started the long walk down the halls and back to the courtyard.

“Why can’t we just install a Heartless there?”

“We already put a pair in the dungeon itself. I’d say you’re going a bit overboard.”

“OK, OK. I just find those poor servants so… creepy,” you admitted. “They weird me out.”

“This, coming from an animate, heartless husk?” You rolled your eyes in response. As you kept walking in silence, you decided to go out on a limb to test the constantly surging sea that was Xaldin’s temper.

“Well, with all the clothes she has in her, at least there’ll never have to be a ‘changing’ of the guard,” you quipped. Xaldin stopped in his tracks and looked down at you, horrified.

“Did you just-”

“That was a pun, yes.”

“A _terrible_ pun.” Xaldin looked genuinely disgusted with you. Affronted, you crossed your arms.

“Yeah? Well, you’re the one manhandling dressers. I’d like to see you come up with something better,” you snapped, marching forward angrily.

“I shall not. And not because I’m unable, but because it is beneath me.”

“Oh, shove it,” you huffed, entering the portal back to the castle. As you stalked through the halls, you passed Luxord and Axel, who watched you with mild interest as you stormed by.

“What’s got her panties in a bunch,” Axel called out to Xaldin after he rounded the corner a few seconds later.

“What did you say,” Xaldin snarled, grabbing Axel by the throat. Axel snickered, despite the pressure on his windpipe, and Luxord shook his head.

“What he meant was: do you know why she’s angry,” the blond said slowly.

“Oh,” Xaldin said, releasing Axel. “I told her that she has a poor sense of humor.” Axel snickered harder and Luxord cleaned his ear with his finger, as if some earwax must’ve kept him from correctly hearing what the Lancer had just said.

“You’re an idiot, you know that,” Axel drawled, walking away.

“I wonder if the poor beauty needs consoling,” Luxord murmured huskily. Then, seeing the murderous glare Xaldin shot him, he silently followed Axel. Xaldin stood there for a minute and turned to stare out the window at Kingdom Hearts.

‘At this rate, that stupid Beast has a better chance of love than me,’ he thought disgustedly.

* * *

 

The next morning, you were cold to Xaldin and left for Belle’s corridor without a word to him. Just outside the princess’s door, you listened as she muttered to herself about how she could try and bring the Beast back to his senses. You wished that you could barge in, flop on the bed, and tell her that it was useless and that stubborn men didn’t have any sense to begin with and that she’d be better off finding a nice, enchanted talking tea cozy around here with a good personality.

‘Stupid Xaldin. I try to crack one joke… I go out on a limb, out of my comfort zone for _two seconds_ , and he looks at me like I tried to bite his head off… Actually, knowing him, he wouldn’t have been surprised at that. That, he would’ve expected. Known how to react to. But _humor_!? An attempt at _levity_!? Kingdom Hearts forbid…’

“Hellooo-oooo? Anybody hoooooome?” Swearing, you portaled up to sit on one of the rafter beams in the hallway. That voice… it had to belong to… Sora?! They Keyblade Wielder was in the castle!? A spiky head of hair on top of an innocent, childlike face appeared at the end of the hallway and confirmed your worst fear.

“Shit. I have to tell Xaldin.” You opened a corridor into the Beast’s room, where you found Xaldin hypnotizing the Beast with the enchanted rose and dark words.

“She will take it from you… she will take _everything_. Trust no one. Feed your anger. Feed your darkness.”

“Xaldin,” you hissed lowly. “We have a problem.” The black-haired man glared at you and gestured angrily towards the balcony. Taking the hint, you stepped outside and waited for Xaldin to join you in the howling wind and freezing cold.

“What is it, girl?” He finally joined you after 15 minutes. “I told you not to disturb me. We can’t afford for anything to accidentally break the spell on the Beast.”

“S-Sora’s h-here,” you said, teeth chattering. You wrapped your coat closer around you. “H-here, i-i-in the c-castle.” Seeming oblivious to the biting gusts, Xaldin closed his eyes thoughtfully and turned into the wind. His body was buffeted and he swayed ever so slightly on his feet. His hair whipped around his face in a frenzy. Then, he started to chuckle.

“Oh, very good… this could be interesting.”

“How s-so?”

“This is the perfect chance for us to see the Beast’s power for ourselves,” he said, turning back to face you with a grin. “I’m sure Saix won’t disapprove of one more Heartless, given the exceptional circumstances. Go and lure that stupid princess into the ballroom. I’ll handle it from there.”

“Wh-what exactly-” Suddenly, you heard the door to the Beast’s room burst open.

“Hey, look! The Organization!” You rolled your eyes at the teen’s annoying voice and quickly teleported back to Belle’s side of the castle. Thinking on your feet, you burst into Belle’s room.

“Quick, come quick! The Beast, he’s in trouble,” you yelled, mustering all the memories of panic you could to give your face a believable scared expression.

“Who are you,” Belle cried, jumping up and running to the far edge of the room.

‘Not as stupid as I was hoping, it seems,’ you thought to yourself in surprise.

“Uh, I’m a friend – of Sora,” you lied. She cocked her head and looked at you quizzically. “No time to explain; sometimes I replace the magic-casting duck, sometimes not. Now, hurry – the Beast needs you!” Extending a hand, you looked at Belle with pleading eyes. “He’s going to give into his anger if you don’t save him!” Bingo. That did it. Belle bit her lip and took your hand. You ran down to the ballroom as fast as you could. Xaldin was already waiting for you.

“What’s going on? Where’s the Beast? You’re not friends of Sora,” Belle said softly, hiding herself behind a pillar while you blocked the door.

“Yeah, I guess his ‘I’m totally a bad guy’ smirk kind of gives it away, huh? Alright, Number III, what now?”

“We wait,” Xaldin said calmly, walking over next to you. “I want to see what that Beast is truly capable of. And this is a good chance to test that boy. But I’m really eager to see if that Beast’s Heartless and Nobody would be as strong as I hope them to be.”

“You won’t get away with this,” Belle yelled out defiantly at you both.

“BELLE!” From just outside the door, you heard the Beast’s roar and Sora’s pipsqueaky voice.

“Showtime,” you murmured, nodding at Xaldin. He nodded back, and you both teleported to the far side of the ballroom as the heroes burst through the doors. Then, Xaldin summoned a giant Heartless, unleashing it on the team. As Belle hid outside, you both watched from the upper level as the Keyblade Master and his friends struggled with the monster.

“Will I never learn how to summon one of those,” you mused.

“Maybe one day… but I doubt it,” Xaldin scoffed. You shot a glare at him. The two of you continued to watch as Sora and his friends defeated the Heartless, and Xaldin and you hid in the shadows as they talked.

“It doesn’t seem like Belle is any closer to loving him,” you whispered as you watched them squabble. “Maybe there’s hope for our plan yet, despite the setback.” Xaldin just grunted. His purple eyes stayed fixed on the Beast until the group left the room. You both teleported down to the empty dance floor.

“Even in time, this bright, golden room will become decrepit and bleak, like the rest of the castle. Like the Beast himself,” Xaldin muttered, casting a disdainful glare around the room. You raised your eyebrows.

“How poetic, Number III. But, getting back to more practical matters: the Beast fought well. He seems strong. He’d make a great Organization member.” Xaldin nodded absentmindedly. You looked at him quizzically. “Hey, are you focused on this or what,” you asked, snapping your fingers. “You seem to care more about the Beast being miserable than actually gaining another member for the Organization. We are averaging under 13 recently, in case you haven’t noticed.” Xaldin glanced at you, seemingly unnerved. Emboldened, you pressed more. “That’s it, isn’t it? This has gotten personal for you.”

“Why shouldn’t he be miserable,” Xaldin snapped at you. “Through his selfishness, look what he’s done to his friends. Turned them into sentient knickknacks! Cursed them for eternity! He doesn’t _deserve_ happiness. And that girl _will_ leave him. She’ll hurt him some way, it’s just a matter of time. And she should!” Shocked, you took a step backwards.

“I didn’t realize how invested you were in this mission, Xaldin,” you said, your eyes wide in surprise. Xaldin brushed some of his braids off a shoulder.

“I am not invested as such. I just… I just…” You had never seen the Lancer at a loss for words. The pained expression on his face and the awkwardness of the situation was just too much. You cleared your throat and changed the subject.

“Whatever. I don’t know why I even brought it up,” you said gruffly, looking away. You had just inadvertently learned something about Xaldin. Something he obviously hadn’t meant to reveal. You were sure he’d make you pay for it in some way. And you were sure it’d never happen again. After a few moments of silence, you were about to summon a portal, but Xaldin spoke.

“You know, I had to do recon with Roxas a few times here. Did you know that little fool didn’t know what a ballroom was for?” You found yourself laughing, despite everything.

“I guess I’m not too surprised. He was just a kid, after all.”

“So, you know how to dance, then? You’ve been to a ball?” Xaldin grinned mischievously at you. Your cheeks reddened, and you fidgeted. Just like you thought. You found out something about him? He’d be sure to return the favor. Classic Xaldin.

“Yes, Number III. Not that it’s any of your business, but I’ve danced before.” Grinning wider, Xaldin threw off his coat.

“Show me, then,” he demanded, holding out his hands. Blushing more, you stammered out a refusal about how it had already been a long day and you weren’t in the mood for games. “Too scared?” Well, that did it. Cursing, you threw off your own coat and stepped forward defiantly, taking Xaldin’s hands. You locked your eyes with his, daring him to start. With a dark laugh, Xaldin pulled you flush against him, wrapping an arm around your waist. You gripped his extended hand and rested your other hand on his shoulder. Xaldin started to lead, his boots loud against the dancefloor’s lacquered tiles.

You kept pace, though you were surprised at yourself – how long had it been since you waltzed? You’re sure you weren’t as graceful as you once had been.

“Not bad, girl,” Xaldin growled down at you. “I’m sure you were quite the dancer when you had a heart. I’m sure all the boys wanted a turn to lead you around the floor,” he mused, picking up his pace. You didn’t respond as you tried to keep up. You were also trying to stay focused on the dance itself and following Xaldin’s lead – and not on feeling his body pressed against yours.

His arms were thick and muscular; you felt their power as he gripped and led you. His abdomen and chest were rock-hard, and you felt his muscles press up against your soft skin and breasts. His hands were massive: one completely encased your hand and the other spread over nearly the whole of the small of your back. You couldn’t help but study the black hairs on his arms and the bit of his bare chest that you could see. These were such intimate, mundane details you were noticing – but they made you want to know more.

What would it be like to run your fingers through his amazing braids? Would his sideburns tickle you as he kissed your neck? What would his thick fingers feel like pumping in and out of you?

You were brought back to the dance as Xaldin twirled you, and your back ended up pulled into his chest. You gasped as one of his strong hands rested lightly on your stomach. Your black top had ridden up, so his calloused fingers brushed against your soft skin, and it made you nearly moan.

“How’s it feel, girl? To let go? To not talk back,” he murmured huskily into your ear. “To just follow and do as you’re told?” His lips were hot and wet against the shell of your ear. “To _submit_?” At his last words, you stiffened.

“So, that’s what you like,” you hissed. “Just some idiot who does whatever you tell them to? That’s pathetic.” You felt your stomach turning. You were attracted to _this_? Laughing, Xaldin spun you a few times and then ended with a dramatic dip. Breathing fast, back arched and perched on his arm, you glared up at him as he supported you from crashing to the floor. You felt weightless in his strong arms. He broke off eye contact for a second to glance down at your top. You tried to lurch away, but he held tighter.

“You have it all wrong. What would be the fun in that,” he murmured, openly letting his eyes wander up and down your body. “No, what I enjoy is the thrill of taking a strong, beautiful woman and seeing if I can break her – just for a little while.” You felt heat starting to immediately pool in your belly again.

“One dance is hardly ‘breaking’ me, Xaldin,” you panted, hoping your voice didn’t betray how much pure lust had suddenly started surging through your body. Snarling, Xaldin pulled you closer to him. You moaned softly at the animalistic expression on his face.

“I agree. So, how about I show you exactly what I have in mind for you,” he whispered, leaning closer. You needed that desire, had to feel the raw power behind his thrusts as he savagely took you from behind. Just as much as Xaldin wanted to see you brought to heel, you wanted to see him free of his cold veneer, free to express his carnal desires. But, just as your lips grazed his, you were rudely interrupted.

“See, Saix, I told you there was nothing to worry about. They’re fine. More than fine, by the looks of it.” Xigbar’s drawl cut through the musky smell of Xaldin’s skin, the sound of his breathing, and the blood rushing through your ears. The Lancer abruptly pulled you up and turned around to glare at a smirking Xigbar and an appalled Saix.

“What are you doing here,” Xaldin asked coldly, grabbing your coat from the floor and tossing it to you.

“We were concerned when you didn’t RTC. You had us so worried, Number III,” Xigbar said mockingly.

“And given the Heartless that you so rashly summoned without prior clearance…” Saix’s tone conveyed his displeasure.

“That was because of Sora,” you yelled angrily as you and Xaldin both zipped up your coats.

“They Keyblade Master was here?” Saix’s golden eyes flashed. “Tell me everything.”


	2. La Chambre

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You are invited to Xaldin's bedroom, and you can't say no to the opportunity.  
> \---  
> The mildest hints of spoiler at the end regarding Xigbar's true mission as revealed in KHIII. I don't think it really gives anything away, but feel free to skip the final line break if you haven't played.

“The Heartless then engaged the heroes in battle. Numbers III and XIV observed the following tactical characteristics: the duck does not heal often. And…” You fidgeted in your white chair as Saix droned on to the Superior about what you and Xaldin had told him yesterday after Xigbar and him had found you both in the ballroom.

Saix had kept you up late documenting every last detail for presenting to Xemnas this morning. But, Xigbar had kept you up even later. His purpose? Blackmail. In exchange for you taking the next ten of his missions, he’d agreed to not tell Xemnas what he saw. The one-eyed man’s original offer was “either 100 missions or the same action that Xaldin got,” but you managed to threaten him down to ten without any physical contact of any kind.

“Unless you want my foot wedged up your ass,” you had snarled threateningly at him.

“No, babe,” Xigbar had said hastily, flinching. “I’m not into that kinda’ thing.”

As for Saix, you had managed to convince him that you and Xaldin had been ‘sparring.’

But Xaldin himself? You hadn’t seen him until now. You glanced over at the purple-eyed man on the other side of the room. He was coolly watching Saix report and nodding intermittently. You bit your lip, willing him to look at you. But nothing.

How could he just ignore you after what had happened yesterday? After he’d nearly taken you on the floor right then and there? After how you’d nearly let him do whatever he wanted with you… Feeling yourself getting wet, you shook your head and slouched down in your chair. You weren’t about to get yourself worked up here of all places.

“Thank you, Saix. Thorough as always. Number XIV, tell me…” The Superior’s gaze turned to you. “Do you think there is still merit in trying to turn this Beast into a Heartless? Even after this setback?”

You just blinked. “Er, you’re asking for _my_ opinion, Superior?”

“Yes, will you give it?”

Clearing your throat, you sat up a bit straighter. “I do still think there’s merit, Number I.”

Xemnas nodded slowly and turned to Xaldin.

“Yes. Without question. The Beast must be punished for his crimes,” Xaldin said coldly.

Xemnas chuckled. “Don’t you think he has been punished enough, Number III?”

Xaldin scoffed at the Superior’s question. “Hardly. His vanity and his folly have damned him and his friends for eternity.” Xaldin was openly glaring at Xemnas. “No amount of punishment could be too much.”

As you watched the two men glare at one another, there was so much electricity in the room, you could’ve sworn Larxene was there.

“Enough, Number III,” Saix barked. “Your insubordination will not be tolerated.”

“I don’t know what you mean,” Xaldin said, shrugging and looking away. “I’m nothing but a loyal Nobody to the Organization.”

“And don’t you forget it. Dismissed,” Xemnas hissed before teleporting away. Saix quickly followed, which just left you and Xaldin alone. You were wracking your brain for how best to approach him, but he immediately teleported away.

“Damnit, Xaldin, you bastard! Don’t you fucking run away from me,” you sighed angrily to yourself.

“My, my, my. What a filthy mouth you have. You ought to be punished for that.” Astonished, you looked to the right to see Xaldin calmly sitting in the chair directly next to you. “Now that this ridiculousness is finally over,” he said, casting a disdainful glare around the room, “you should come by my bedroom. Tonight.” He smirked knowingly. You nodded, captivated by the hunger in his purple eyes. His smirk grew wider. “I’m going to need you to be a bit more… _vocal_.”

“Yes.”

“Yes, what?”

You gulped. This was it. The moment you were going to agree to let him dominate you completely. (Well, at least for tonight.) “Yes, _sir_ ,” you said huskily, lust filling your voice.

* * *

A few hours later, night had fallen, and you found yourself knocking on Xaldin’s bedroom door with nervous excitement.

“You may enter.”

Taking a deep breath, you opened the door. The room was nothing like you had expected, and you gazed openly about as you slowly closed the door. At some point, Xaldin had his lumpy, standard-issue Org bed replaced with a lush, dark four-poster. The lighting in the room was low and warm. “I hope you like what you see…” Turning to the right, there was Xaldin, standing in front of a table with various toys. An audible gasp escaped your throat as you saw the straps and chains on the wall above it. And Xaldin looked magnificent.

“Very much,” you said breathily. Xaldin only had on tight, black pants, and he had left them unbuttoned. He wore his trademark smirk, and his purple eyes glinted. His dark braids fell over his bare, strong shoulders. His thick arms were crossed over his broad chest – you loved the coarse black hairs that covered his skin. And the low light in the room still allowed you to see the incredible definition of his abs. Each muscle under his skin was clearly outlined, and a welcoming trail of black hair went from his navel down to the waistband of his underwear, which you could see at the opening of his trousers.

“I also like what I see, but I’d like it much better if you had worn a few less clothes,” Xaldin said. It was your turn to smirk.

“As you wish, sir,” you murmured, unzipping your coat and letting it fall to the floor, revealing that you were completely naked underneath. Xaldin’s eyes were wide as he drank in the sight of you. As you stepped forward, you couldn’t help but laugh a little at his awestruck expression. A muscle in his jaw twitched.

“ _Fuck_ ,” he rasped, lunging forward. He pushed you up against the doorframe, lifting you off the floor. You moaned as his mouth claimed yours, lips hot against your own, beard scratching against your skin. You wrapped your legs around him as Xaldin greedily explored the back of your mouth with his tongue, running it over the insides of your cheeks, your teeth, attacking your tongue. His hands were all over you – grabbing your breasts and fondling your ass. You whimpered when he pulled away from your mouth to roughly start sucking at your nipples. His hips were keeping you pressed against the wall, and you felt his erection pressing into you.

As Xaldin moved to bite at your collarbone, you let your hands trail from being fisted in his braids to squeezing the bulge of muscles in his arms. Then, you worked your hands down to his pants, hoping to get past that waistband you had spied earlier. Xaldin growled and his hands gripped your wrists. He bit down harshly, and you yelped.

“Fuck, you are more beautiful than I even imagined. Seductive little whore,” he murmured, biting your ear. “I didn’t expect this trick from you.” He nipped at your lower lip, and you groaned. His eyes were so dilated, you could barely see that gorgeous purple that you loved so much. “You _want_ me to lose control, don’t you? Use you and take you right here in the doorway, like the slut you are?” Xaldin grabbed your chin. His hard cock pressed you more firmly against the door. “Well, is that what you want?” You nodded into his hand. Xaldin smirked, leaning forward to give you a deep kiss. “All in good time,” he said, pulling away. “I’m going to have my fun with you first.” Without straining at all, he carried you over to the table, with your legs still wrapped around his waist. Setting you on the table, he reached over to grab something.

“What’s this,” you asked softly as he lifted your chin.

“A collar,” he growled, fastening it around your neck and tightening it. “So you remember your place tonight.” Your cheeks flushed as the material dug into your skin, and there was a slight thrill when you tried to take a deep breath but realized your breathing was constricted. Xaldin leaned back slightly to take a better look at you. “… Exquisite,” he growled, capturing your lips in another kiss. You moaned as Xaldin’s mouth covered your own and you felt the collar digging in just a little as you kissed back – reminding you with each tiny movement that you were his. At least for tonight.

Then, he lifted your arms above your head, one large hand gripping both of your wrists. You felt a rough cord wrapping around them, biting into your skin. You whimpered, trying to pull your arms away.

“No, girl. You’re going to submit to this. I’m going to mark every inch of you as mine.” After your arms were bound by the rope on the wall and you couldn’t move the top half of your body, Xaldin moved his hands to your thighs and spread your legs.

Xaldin gave you one more deep kiss on the lips, then moved down to kiss your collar lightly. He then lapped at your collarbone and bit at the soft skin at the top of your breasts. When he reached your nipples, he moaned, alternating between roughly biting and gently licking. His teeth were sharp, but his lips and tongue were amazingly soft. You threw your head back, panting from how incredible he made you feel. His animalism alone was enough to drive you crazy with pleasure.

All the while, his hands had been massaging your thighs, slowly spreading your legs as far as they would go. The collar dug into your exposed throat, and the cords bit into your straining arms, but these sensations only heightened the pleasure Xaldin was giving you with his mouth.

Then, he kneeled down to in front of your spread legs and inhaled deeply. You blushed and squirmed; you had never been so exposed to someone like that. He leaned forward and licked deep between your folds slowly, savoring your taste and pushing his tongue in as far as it would go. You groaned, loving the feeling of his hot tongue inside you and his rough sideburns brushing against your outer lips. He pulled his tongue out after a few moments and moved up to your clitoris, working his tongue under the hood and assaulting the sensitive bundle of nerves directly with his tongue. You yelped and jerked up, but the cords held you in place and there was no where for you to run as he pinned your hips down with his hands. There were tears in your eyes as your whole body shook; each swipe of his tongue sent a jolt of electricity through you, and you were sure you’d cum within seconds.

“On your knees for me. Turn around,” he said, suddenly pulling away and licking his lips.

“H-here? On the table?”

Xaldin growled and bit the inside of one of your thighs. “Don’t keep me waiting.” You gasped and complied, twisting so you were now on your knees facing the wall, and your ass and pussy were lifted high in the air. You felt ridiculously vulnerable – so much was exposed, and the position was awkward on your arms. But you were finding that the more painful or awkward or embarrassing the positions were, you were liking it more and more.

“Yes, that’s it, my filthy whore,” Xaldin said, as if he could read your mind of what you wanted next. “You’re loving this, aren’t you? Showing off how wet and tight for me that hole of yours is. Such a good pet.” Xaldin fondled your ass, cupping it and brushing his thumbs up and down over your labia. They were so swollen from how turned on you were, and just those few simple strokes were enough to make you whimper and shake. You heard Xaldin slide one of the toys off the table. “I’d say you deserved a reward,” you heard as you felt a paddle press gently against your ass. “Wouldn’t you?”

“Yes, sir,” you moaned, arching your back so your bottom was even more on display for him. Xaldin swiftly brought the paddle down. You cried out as it made contact; the sensation was powerful at first but quickly turned into a tingle – a low buzzing sensation on your skin that sent a wave of feeling straight to your core.

“Now, I’m going to ask you some questions, girl. And you’ll only get more of _this_ ,” he spanked you again, “with honest answers.”

“Yes, sir,” you panted, desperate for more. He spanked you again.

“Have you thought about this?”

“Yes, sir!” _Smack_.

“For how long?”

“Since I first saw you!” To hell if the answers were embarrassing. You were too horny to come up with anything else; you needed to be punished. _Smack_.

“How often?”

“Wh-what?”

“How often did you imagine us like this?”

“What? Uh – god – every night, OK?” _Smack_. “Oh, yes!”

“And you touched yourself?”

“Yes, sir!” _Smack._ The strikes were getting harder.

“What else have you imagined me doing to you?”

“God, I don’t know – fucking me-” _Smack_. “Yes, oh, cumming all over me-” _Smack._ “Just, oh, using me-” _Smack_. “Yes, Xaldin, yes, just fucking use me!” _Smack._ Xaldin took a fistful of your hair, making your back arch even further. You cried out, and he started hitting your ass with the paddle at an even pace.

“You – naughty – filthy – girl. You – will – be – used,” he panted roughly as he hit you. You screamed in ecstasy as the strikes blurred together, the pain and pleasure existing together in your skin simultaneously as you were hit again and again. Finally, Xaldin let up and released your hair. You were shaking with the effort of keeping your ass in the air, but you refused to put it down; you wanted Xaldin to see that you could take whatever he gave you.

“Your ass is bright red,” he murmured approvingly. “Your cunt is dripping all over onto my table.” You felt his lips and tongue ghost over your ass, gently soothing the skin with licks and kisses. You shivered at the feeling. Then, without any warning, he moved his mouth down to suck again at your swollen pussy lips. You whimpered, shifting your hips. Xaldin laughed cruelly, pulling away.

“Yes, I’d bet you like my tongue buried deep again in that drenched hole of yours,” he whispered in your ear. “Or massaging that clit of yours over and over until you sprayed cum all over this room. But no,” he said, going over to get another toy. “You’ll need to be as wet as possible for my cock to fit in that tight, little pussy, and I don’t want to risk lapping up all your juices. So, we’re going to keep that in there and not leaking down your thighs.” Suddenly, you felt a plug being inserted into you.

“Oh, god – thank you, sir,” you moaned, so happy to have something – anything – filling you. It was like your inner walls were aching for something to rub against. Xaldin chuckled darkly.

“And now?” The plug started to vibrate. You groaned and your thighs started to shake. It felt so incredible! That buzzing and tingling stimulated so many nerves inside of you.

“More, please, more,” you cried out. Xaldin laughed out loud at your cries and resumed spanking you with the paddle. You moaned wantonly at the combination of sensations. You were on the edge of the most incredible orgasm.

“Not – just – yet,” Xaldin grunted, giving you the last three smacks. It was as if he could tell when you were just about to cum and knew when to stop in order to torture you! Then, he set the paddle down and came to the other side of the table, where he undid the ropes binding your wrists. He scooped you off the table into his arms, bridal style, and carried you over to his sumptuous looking bed. He set you down on the floor and sat on the edge of the bed. “On your knees for me, slut,” he said, yanking your collar. “You’re going to take my cock into that beautiful mouth of yours.”

Xaldin stood from the bed as you happily sunk to your knees in front of him. With this new position, the vibrating plug was squeezed tightly against the walls of your pussy, and you couldn’t help but let out another moan.

“Xaldin, please. Your dick – let me taste it. Worship it.” You couldn’t believe the words coming out of your mouth. It was the collar around your neck, the buzzing toy wedged into your pussy, the incredibly sexy man nearly naked in front of you – it was all driving you mad. You couldn’t wait any more. You had been fantasizing about what was coming next for far too long.

“As you wish.” Xaldin pulled off his pants to reveal a thick, massive cock springing from a base of dark curls.

“Fuck, _Xaldin_ , you’re absolutely perfect,” you whispered, inching forward on your knees. The Whirlwind Lancer bit back a self-satisfied smirk and settled for pumping his cock with one hand and guiding your head forward with another. His long shaft was already slick with so much precum; you were glad to see that Xaldin had been enjoying the previous activities as nearly as much as yourself.

You happily opened your mouth, taking as much of his cock into it as you could in one go. Slurping and moaning, you bobbed your head up and down as you worked your tongue along his shaft. You heard Xaldin groan in pleasure. You twisted your tongue around, feeling the thick vein running along the bottom of his shaft and the swell of the tip of his cock. The taste grew increasingly bitter as it leaked a continuous stream of precum into the back of your mouth, but you didn’t mind. In fact, you loved it.

Releasing his cock from your lips, you started stroking it and moved your mouth down to his balls, lapping at them and sucking one into your mouth at a time. The taste and smell were even more pungent here. Your mouth salivated around the coarse hair and the soft, hot skin underneath.

“Do you – oh, _god_ – do you like sucking my balls, slut?”

“Mmmngh, ungth,” you slurped away happily, your tongue massaging his massive balls. “Yes!”

“Fuck,” Xaldin gasped, wrenching you back by your hair. He was panting and shaking. Clearly, he had been close to cumming but stopped himself. “Up on the bed,” he commanded, tugging at your collar.

After you crawled up onto the mattress, he flipped you onto your back. He sucked at your nipples and carefully removed the vibrating plug from inside you. Then, he placed it on your clit, and you cried out as an orgasm rocked you. There was still a remaining buzz within your inner walls, and the friction against your clit made your whole body spasm as you rode it out with Xaldin’s tongue roaming over every inch of your chest. Once your orgasm had subsided, Xaldin flipped you again and pulled you onto your hands and knees.

“Are you ready for me, my little cock slave,” he asked, lining up the tip of his dick with your soaked pussy. “I’m going to fill you so much with my cum that you’ll be leaking for days.” Gasping, you nodded as you felt the tip begin to press inside of you. “Beg, girl. Beg for your master’s cock. Plead to be filled with my cum.”

You exhaled shakily. “ _Please_. Please, Xaldin. Use me. Fill me.”

“As you wish.” Xaldin’s hips snapped forward, and he buried himself in you to the hilt with just that one movement. You screamed as your head snapped back and he started his brutal pace. He was longer, thicker, bigger than you ever imagined any man could be. His strong hands held onto your hips as he pulled you into himself in time with his savage thrusts. The room was filled with his deep grunts, your cries, the smell of sweat and cum, and the sound of wet skin slapping on wet skin.

His balls were swinging and slapping your clit, which felt absolutely incredible. You breasts and ass were jiggling up and down. Your arms wobbled, trying to hold you up. And Xaldin was grinning down at you the whole time while you screamed his name, over and over again. Each time his whole cock plowed into your core, you saw stars from how intense it was. You were sure your ass would be black and blue in the morning from how viciously he was ramming into you. You had no idea how loud you were even screaming. It hurt, but it also felt so good. You had never experienced a fuck like this. This was indeed the best fuck of your life, you thought as his shaft stretched and abused your hole each time he thrust into you. The sensations were so intense, it was like you were riding out an orgasm the entire time he was fucking you.

“Whose are you, girl,” he roared as his thrusts grew more erratic. His climax was close.

“Yours, Xaldin, all yours,” you sobbed, his cock pounding away.

“That’s right, girl. You’re mine. You belong – ungh – to _me._ Mine!” With another roar, he leaned down and bit your shoulder, marking you as he finally came. The blinding burst of pain mixed with the incredible sensation of Xaldin’s dick throbbing inside you brought you to one more final orgasm. You felt his thick sprays of cum filling you and leak down your legs, and you had never felt more like a whore in your life for how much you loved it. You were scared you would be addicted to the sensation now.

Panting, Xaldin pulled out of you and pulled you down onto the bed with him as he lay on his back. His arm pulled you to next to him with your head on his shoulder.

“That was… divine,” he said softly, reaching over to undo the clasp on your collar. Then, he pulled you in for a slow, luxurious kiss. This all made you blush for some reason, despite everything that had just happened. The both of you pulled away and just stared at the ceiling, catching your breaths in the sweaty silence of the room. Your whole body was sore, especially between your legs… but there was another ache there, too. A need that you still had.

You turned your head to get a good look at Xaldin. His beautiful hair splayed out across the pillow. His powerful, muscled body shining with sweat. His cock, twitching and still half-hard, covered in a mix of your cum and his. Yes. He was just too addictive. You hadn’t gotten to see him in action before, since you had been on your hands and knees. You hadn't been able to watch him as he pounded you. Well, that would just have to be remedied, wouldn't it?

“So,” you murmured, twisting fully so you could run a finger up and down his chest, “when will you be ready for round 2?”

* * *

A few days later, you met Xigbar in the communal dining room for breakfast.

“Hey,” he said, raising an eyebrow. “About time. I haven’t seen you for a few days. I hope you know that you now have to cover _fifty_ of my missions of mine, OK? After going AWOL, no way was I going to still honor our deal for ten.” He frowned, watching you sit down. “I got your message, but are you sure you’re finally ready to be back on missions? I don’t know what the hell happened to you, but I think you’re rushing yourself. I mean, damn, you look like you … can … barely … even … walk…” Realization dawned in his eye, and he slammed his cup of coffee down in a gesture of undisguised disgust. “My. God. You two are _sickening."_

“Wh-what are you talking about,” you stammered, looking around to make sure no one else in the room had heard.

“You. Your lack of upright mobility. The hicky peeking out above your zipper,” he said, gradually getting louder.

You shushed him, your face turning bright red. “I thought you were, you know, rooting for us to, like, get together, or whatever,” you spluttered indignantly.

Xigbar rolled his eye. “The prospect has always been entertaining, I’ll grant you that. So, sure, I may have encouraged it a little bit. But for the love of hearts, girl, make yourself presentable before leaving that sex dungeon you two call a bedroom,” he hissed, leaning forward. “You practically _reek_ of him. If that goofy grin plastered all over your face wasn’t enough.” Xigbar leaned back in his chair and waved his hand annoyedly. “Just go. Forget our deal, just get out of here. I haven’t been laid in Kingdom Hearts knows how long, and I can’t stand to be around you right now. Just go on and rest up.” You sheepishly wobbled your way onto your feet.

“Thanks, Xigbar. You’re a real friend.”

“As if,” the older man scoffed. “You’re just a liability right now. I’ll just make up some lame stuff in the report, though, about you kicking the shit out of a ton of Heartless today, like I’ve done the past few days. Saix hasn’t noticed anything.” As you walked slowly and methodically away, Xigbar called out, “And I do mean _rest_! Nothing else! No other activities!”

The ponytailed man sighed as he watched you shakily exit the room. He pulled a notebook out from a coat pocket and flipped it open. He crossed Xaldin’s name off his ‘Maybe’ list. Damn. He hadn’t quite thought out just how much he had been counting on that grumpy bastard for his plan.

Well, this would be a setback. He shouldn’t have made it so clear how you were starting to awaken Xaldin’s sleeping heart. He sighed irritably and pocketed the notebook. He should have learned after all these years. To keep his mischievous nose out of things. But – admittedly, it had been fun pushing those two towards each other. A little bit of entertainment. And wasn’t that worth a minor setback?

He just needed to make sure that another member took Xaldin’s place, then, in the days to come.

“Demyx,” he called out silkily to the mulleted boy who had just entered the room. “I have an assignment for you…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for the delay in this! Over a year. There really is no excuse. All I can say is that 2019 was an insane year - in some ways, an incredible year, so many of the things that kept me away were good. But there were also some tough parts. I was able to rest a few months ago and had finally been finishing up a few different fanfic draft chapters I've had scattered in various notebooks. 
> 
> But, 2020 is here now, and I have a bit more time on my hands - as maybe some of you also do - so I wanted to post a bit more. I sincerely hope everyone is staying safe and healthy! And I hope this story can bring a bit of much needed fantasy into our crazy world right now. 
> 
> A million, billion, trillion thanks to anyone who is still reading. You have no idea how happy you make me!
> 
> Stay tuned for the final chapter, which takes place during the events of KHIII!


	3. Jardin Rayonnant

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What's next for you and Dilan when you both wake up in Radiant Garden?

You never thought you’d die laughing. Well, you never thought you’d die a second time _at all_. And certainly not laughing. But here you were, face-down on the icy, stone bridge that led to the Beast’s castle, chuckling to yourself and bleeding out.

Not that long after your night-time ‘dalliances’ with Xaldin had begun, Organization XIII had confronted Sora at Hollow Bastion, and the boy had defeated Demyx there. Then, you and Xaldin were assigned together again to Beast’s castle. Since Sora was returning to past worlds, you two were to try and turn the Beast into a Heartless as soon as possible and confront Sora if he showed up. You hadn’t been that concerned after initially hearing the purpose of your assignment; Demyx was pretty easy to beat, after all.

And at first, everything had been going well. Xaldin finally had the Beast in a quandary, having to choose between Belle or the rose, even despite Sora and his gang having inevitably showed up. Then Belle, bless her heart, somehow worked up the nerve to ram her elbow deep into Xaldin’s solar plexus and ran off with the rose. You knew you should’ve run to him and offered help, but you were doubled over in laughter instead.

“Nrgh… do you mind!? She’s getting away,” Xaldin roared at you over the howling wind.

You wiped the tears from your eyes and finished laughing. “I know, I know – hearts – I know, but that was too good. She is less dangerous than a Shadow Heartless, Xaldin! How did that happen?”

“It shocked me was all! I wasn’t expecting it!”

“Yeah, well, don’t get startled every time that kid’s Keyblade knocks into you, or we’re in for a lot of trouble,” you said more seriously as you watched the Keyblade wielder and his group advance towards you.

The battle had been going in your favor at first. Xaldin was an incredibly skilled fighter, and having lured them onto the narrow bridge made the team an easy target for his and your attacks.

“We have this in the bag,” you called out excitedly to Xaldin as his laser attack knocked the team back. “Let’s finish it!”

And then suddenly, in a blinding flash of light, King Mickey appeared. He was much more skilled than Sora, and he soon had you and Xaldin on the ropes. Then, Sora, fully recovered, jumped back into the fight with one of his Drive forms. Xaldin was defeated with an anguished cry as he looked over desperately at you. Since you were too horrified to move after seeing that, Sora had no problem dealing you a finishing blow, leaving you lying facedown on the bridge in the dark night.

You were laughing, because you couldn’t stop thinking about Xaldin’s face when Belle had elbowed him. It was just too stupid. All of it. You two had been defeated by a kid and some regal anthropomorphic mouse. What a way to go – you just couldn’t help but laugh at it all. Then, it became too difficult to laugh, and you just lay there, shallowly breathing in your last, icy cold breaths.

‘Xaldin, if you can hear me,’ you thought, ‘I really did want to spend more time with you. The past few nights with you… made me think that an eternity… like this… really isn’t… so bad at all…’

The roaring wind died down, and you felt a soft breeze tousle your hair as your vision faded.

* * *

“Dilan! Dilan! Wake up!”

That voice…

Xaldin sat up slowly, groggily. It was like trying to pull himself out of quicksand. The darkness kept threatening to pull him back under.

“Dilan, focus! We’re all here in the lab again. Ienzo, me, and…” Then he said your name. Xaldin tried harder to focus on Lexaeus’s voice.

‘How was she here? In the lab? And how is Lexaeus alive? And why is he using those names?’ Those names that he had forgotten so long ago… As Xaldin finally opened his eyes, Lexaeus and Zexion were smiling warmly down at him. Except Lexaeus was back to being Aeleus, with his guard uniform and kind face. And Zexion was Ienzo, and he was the scientist he always wanted to be. Xaldin looked down at himself. He was Dilan again, back in his old uniform. The uniform he had disgraced… betrayed.

“You said she’s here,” Dilan said slowly, looking around.

“Yes, though of course we do not know her true name now,” Ienzo said as he and Aeleus stepped aside.

Dilan saw you then, lying on the cold floor of the laboratory. You were wearing strange clothes that he had never seen before in Radiant Garden.

“It doesn’t seem like she was from the town originally,” Dilan thought out loud, stepping forward and lifting you off the floor. “Then how…?”

Aeleus just chuckled. Ienzo cleared his throat and stepped forward. “The most that we can currently surmise is that the call of someone’s heart pulled her to awaken in this world. The heart should naturally return to where the body of the Nobody first fell, but, we posit that if the heart in question desires to be somewhere else… or with someone else, and an equally strong heart and will are reaching out to it with the same wish, then this phenomenon could occur.” Dilan’s cheeks colored slightly as he gazed down at you. “Of course,” Ienzo continued, “this is impossible to know without more study. But, it seems a likely explanation for her appearance here.”

“She hasn’t woken up with the rest of us, though. She needs care. Can you tend to her? Lea can help us out in the meantime; he’s here, as well,” Aeleus said. “Ienzo and I can watch over Even. He hasn’t awakened, either.”

Dilan dipped his head. “Thank you,” he said sincerely and carried you out of the lab.

* * *

Soft sheets. A faint smell of flowers. The heat of sunlight on your cheeks. The press of a wet cloth on your forehead. The steady breathing of someone not far away.

Your eyes fluttered open. You were in a beautiful, large room; the kind of room you imagined princesses and queens lived in when you were a child. Your first thought was that you were in the most comfortable bed you had ever felt in your life.

‘Well, which life,’ you thought to yourself. ‘Am I on my third now?’ “Hah, I’m beginning to lose count,” you muttered to yourself, sitting up. Then, you heard someone call out your name in surprise. You knew that voice. “Xaldin!?”

He appeared in the doorway to what you assumed was the washroom, cloth and bowl of clean water in hand. “You’re awake!” He rushed to your side.

You nodded, sitting up further. “I am. And you… look different, somehow?”

He smiled. “I’m Dilan again. We have our hearts back. And you? What is your true name?”

Shocked, you pressed a hand to your chest. It was true! You stammered out your original name from before Xemnas had corrupted it and assigned you a number. “Xal – I mean, Dilan… how did this happen? Where are we? How long have I-”

“I’ll explain everything,” he said, holding up his hand, “but first you need to eat something. I’ll bring some food up from the kitchens. Regain your strength, and we’ll talk later.”

You shrugged and nodded. Curious by nature though you may be, you still weren’t about to pass up being served breakfast in bed. You had your priorities straight.

* * *

You spent the next few days recovering and being tended to by Dilan. He would bring you food and sit to talk. You learned that you were in a world called Radiant Garden, in the castle of Ansem the Wise, where Dilan had been a guard and eventually began experiments on the darkness of the heart. He told you about the apprentices’ betrayal of Ansem and the deception of everyone by Xehanort.

As you felt stronger, he let you walk around the castle grounds with him as he did his guard rounds of the perimeter. Ienzo and Aeleus were in the laboratory constantly now that Even had gone missing, Lea was off on his own mission, and Riku and Mickey were continually popping in to ask for their advice. Given what happened at Beast’s castle, Dilan and you always made yourself scarce when King Mickey stopped by for a visit. Dilan said that Ienzo and Aeleus had always been the better scientists, anyways.

You were grateful for your walks with Dilan. As he showed you different parts of town from the castle ramparts, it was clear that Radiant Garden had been an incredibly beautiful world, and you were sure that it could be again one day. And from the determined gleam in Dilan’s eyes as he looked out over the town with you, it was clear that he wanted to be a key part of rebuilding it.

But, it was everything that he _wasn’t_ telling you that started to concern you after a while. Every time you tried to steer the conversation towards Dilan himself, he’d go quiet. What had life been like _before_ the experiments? Why did he get involved with them in the first place? What was he feeling now that he was back? All of these questions he ignored.

For your part, you tried to open up in order to coax him into talking. You talked about your original world and how different it was from Radiant Garden. (Whenever you mused about how you still didn’t understand why you hadn’t ended up back in your original world, Dilan always turned away uncomfortably.) You talked about your excitement for the future and how incredible it was just to _feel_ excited about something again!

But Dilan never reciprocated discussing his personal feelings. It was like, now that he had his heart back, he was afraid to open up to it, lest it control him.

Even though he wasn’t answering your questions, though, he wasn’t cold like Xaldin had been. You were even able to get him to laugh at your jokes now! As you healed, you looked forward more and more to spending time with Dilan. You only hoped that he felt the same way about you; it had been a few weeks, and you two had yet to resume your nightly rendezvous that you had started as Nobodies.

Then, after you fully recovered, one day you found Dilan on his patrol and fell into a brisk step beside him.

“How are the preparations coming along,” he asked.

“Good! I’m picking up the flyers tonight. I’ll post them around town tomorrow.” In a desire to do something useful, you had decided to prepare a ball for the townsfolk. Any self-respecting castle had to have a ballroom, so you had found it and cleaned it up. It had involved moving out some questionable lab equipment that had been stored there.

“Yes, they converted this into a storage unit almost immediately,” Ienzo had explained to you when you’d asked him what to do with all the junk you needed to haul away. “They were mostly stasis chambers that had malfunctioned after use. For test subjects. You see, the experiments could be very draining, so sometimes subjects would be alive, but their vital systems would need-”

“That’s enough, Ienzo,” you had said, cutting him off. “Don’t know that I need to hear anymore.”

Now that the hall was cleaned and decorated, all you needed were some guests for the event in a few weeks. You were hoping flyers and word of mouth would do the trick.

“This will be a treat for everyone. Thank you for thinking of this. It’s been an age since anything bright and cheerful came from this castle,” Dilan murmured.

You bumped your hip into his playfully. “So, can I expect to see you there? If I remember correctly, you’re quite the dancer.”

“As are you,” Dilan said, stopping his patrol and looking at you hungrily.

This was a good sign. The kind that you had been waiting ages for. Emboldened, you smirked at him mischievously. “If you’re not there, I may have to find another dance partner. And I’m expecting my dress to be very revealing,” you said, moving closer to him.

Dilan’s purple eyes narrowed, and he swiftly wrapped an arm around your waist, pulling you to him. “Then I had better come, hadn’t I? Make sure no villains put their filthy hands on you.” His hand squeezed your ass and you gasped. “Except my own, that is,” he chuckled.

You panted as you felt his body press against yours. “D-Dilan!” You had missed his touch so much.

“You make it so hard to control myself,” he growled, releasing you and stepping back. “But, I have to continue my rounds. I can’t leave the castle unguarded.”

Pouting, you crossed your arms. It was petulant, but it felt better than showing the heart wrenching disappointment you felt. “Yeah, well, maybe I don’t need you to protect me at the ball. I am very capable,” you quipped, snatching his spear from his hands.

“Hey,” he shouted as you ran forward.

“Watch this, Mr. Guardsman,” you yelled, launching the weapon like a javelin. Dilan watched, dumbfounded, as it sailed over a hedge and out of sight – and then came the sound of something breaking.

“DILAN,” you heard Aeleus’s deep voice boom.

“Gotta’ run,” you shouted, taking off.

Dilan had glowered at you for a few days afterwards, hiding his spear behind him every time you neared.

And still he didn’t come to your room at night. One evening, you worked up the nerve to go and knock on his door.  Tiptoeing up, you pressed an ear to the wood and rapped your knuckles against it.

“Dilan,” you called out softly. Then, you heard a noise from inside! Excited, you held your breath… only to realize that it was a mammoth snore. “Oh – are you kidding me? Damnit,” you muttered, furiously stalking back to your own bedroom.

Maybe that was why the next morning you were so short-tempered with Ienzo while he was cooking breakfast.

“Y’know, Ienzo,” you said grumpily, walking into the castle’s massive kitchen as the first light of the day filtered in, “I respect that you’re a scientist and all, but I am not condemning myself to a third life into which I was reborn just to eat molecular gastronomy shit for breakfast.” You gestured disdainfully around to the various mousses, bubbles, and jellies that Ienzo had already prepared.

The bluenet grimaced, hurt by your sudden animosity. “Well, I see no reason to not expand one’s culinary horizons,” he responded tersely.

You rolled your eyes. “Shove over, I’ve woke up on the wrong side of the bed, and it’s chocolate chip pancakes for breakfast today.”

“That’s practically a dessert,” Ienzo scoffed.

“Uh, yeah. Precisely the point.”

* * *

Dilan woke up early that morning; he had fallen asleep quickly the previous night after doublechecking that the castle’s various old equipment was all safely secured in the dungeons downstairs. He wanted the ball to go well for you, and it would be catastrophic if someone found all their supplies they had used for the experiments and began tampering with them. There was no guessing what could happen if something like that occurred. So, he was making sure that no intruders could get access to any of it.

Yawning widely, he stumbled out of bed and slipped on his blue uniform trousers and white undershirt. He wanted to get an early start in order to triplecheck his work yesterday to make sure that it was foolproof. He couldn’t shake his paranoia; he so desperately wanted your plans to go off without a hitch. He paused in front of the mirror to tie his hair back.

His eyes involuntarily flickered to the dusty frame on the dresser. His hands started to move towards the locket…

“Damnit,” he roared, throwing his hairbrush across the room. “Why can’t I just be rid of this fucking nonsense?” He angrily threw open his bedroom door and stalked down towards the kitchen. ‘Why,’ he thought, ‘Why can’t I just let go of all that? It was so long ago. It doesn’t matter anymore. I care about _her_ now,’ and he pictured your face. ‘She cares about me. I can see it. I know it. So, why can’t I just find the strength to stop being so afraid?’ Sighing, he slammed open the kitchen doors, and he saw that he had accidentally startled you. “Oh, you? Is Ienzo not cooking this morning?” ‘Damnit, Dilan, why no morning greeting? Why are you like this,’ he admonished himself immediately.

“I fired him,” you said curtly, turning back towards the stove. “Didn’t feel like pickled egg mousse suspended in some weird jelly for breakfast.”

Dilan chuckled. “His tastes always have been eccentric. I’ll have whatever you’re having… if you don’t mind.” You paused, frowning. Dilan winced as he watched you think it over.

“Sure,” you finally said, giving him a small smile.

Dilan’s heart jumped. He took a seat at one of the counters, drumming his fingers as he watched you work. How often had he fantasized about something like this? Spending the morning with this woman he so cared about, doing something banal like making breakfast. Not fighting Heartless. Or plotting against Keyblade wielders. The only thing that could make this better was if you had woken up next to him…

A flash of desire surged through him. He started to harden as his mind took him through Xaldin’s memories of nights with you. Before he even fully realized it, he was behind you. He loved the small gasp you gave as he wrapped his arms around your waist. He tilted his head to kiss and nip at your smooth neck.

He couldn’t believe what you did to him. He spun you around and lifted you up, and you immediately wrapped your legs around him. You tangled your hands in his hair and kissed him vehemently.

“Dilan, you have no idea how long-”

“You needed this,” he teased, biting at your bottom lip. “Needed me,” he goaded, setting your ass on the counter. He worked his hands under your shirt to cup your breasts, and you gasped again. Dilan took the opportunity to slip his tongue into your mouth, and you moaned wantonly.

Dilan savored the taste of you, the softness of you in his hands and on his tongue. Your passionate moans were driving him crazy. The way you arched into his touch and completely opened yourself up to him were irresistible.

“Why did you keep me waiting so long,” you groaned out as he lifted up the hem of your shirt and sucked at one of your nipples.

The reason?

_I’m sorry, Dilan, but this just isn’t meant to be._

Dilan jerked away from you like he had been burned. ‘No. Not right now. I don’t want to have those memories now.’

_It’s better in the long run, trust me. This is for the best._

“Dilan,” you asked, immediately concerned. “What happened? What’s wrong?”

_I just don’t love you. And I never will, OK?_

For a second, Dilan was no longer in the kitchen. He was back by the fountain in the town square, watching a woman’s silhouette fade into the setting sun, getting smaller and smaller and further away as he bit back tears.

“Dilan!?”

He shook his head and looked around wildly. No, he was here in the castle. Now. With you.

You looked terrified and were gripping his hands in yours. “Do I need to call a doctor? Can you hear me?”

Cursing himself, he pulled his hands out of your grip and backed away towards the door. “No, no… I’m fine… I just… I shouldn’t have done that… I’m sorry.”

* * *

You stood there, aghast, just blinking. What had just happened? Dilan was all over you one minute and the next he was running away from you faster than if you were a house fire.

Speaking of fire, something definitely smelled like it was burning…

“Shit! Breakfast,” you wailed, remembering exactly what you had been doing before being seduced. You grabbed a towel and heaved the now-smoking pan off the stove. You sighed, holding your head in your hands. “Great. Sexually frustrated, made a huge mess for myself to clean up, probably damaged my lungs with smoke inhalation, used up all the remaining ingredients, I’m starving, and it’s not even 8:30 yet. What other wonders will this day bring,” you grumbled to yourself.

In your frustration, you didn’t see Ienzo, who had just passed an extremely agitated Dilan, step into the kitchen, see the burned breakfast and your disheartened figure, and quickly walk out, perplexed but putting 2-and-2 together.

Later that day, you quickly hurried over to the laboratory, wracked with guilt about how you had treated him earlier. He quickly brushed off your attempted apology.

“Can you deliver these reports to Dilan’s desk in his room? I keep asking him to come pick them up so he can review them, but he keeps conveniently ‘forgetting,’” Ienzo said, pointing to a stack of papers without looking up at you.

“Sure,” you said begrudgingly. Dilan’s room was the last place you wanted to be near right now, but you felt you owed one to the blue-haired scientist.

“How are the final touches on the ball coming along? I’ve heard everyone is looking forward to it,” Ienzo called as you were leaving.

You annoyedly blew a wisp of hair out of your face as you braced the stack of papers against the front of your body. “That? I don’t know. What’s even the point anymore,” you said sadly. Every time you had been imagining the ball, the picture of you in a gown and Dilan in his dress uniform whirling around the dancefloor had popped into your head. It used to make you smile. Now it just made bile rise in the back of your throat. “I’ll deliver these, Ienzo. See ya.”

With a sad gaze, he watched you go.

When you got to Dilan’s door, you knocked sharply. “Hey. You in there?” Hearing no response, you moved to open the door and then paused. It felt wrong, going into Dilan’s room like this… but, Ienzo had been very specific. He wanted the reports on Dilan’s desk.

Grimacing, you opened the door gingerly. Peeking your head in, you didn’t see anyone, and the light in the washroom was off. “Hmph. Must be out patrolling,” you muttered, rolling your eyes. You spied a writing desk across the room next to the dresser, so you want over and deposited the papers there. Stepping back, you let your eyes wander a little around the room – and they stopped on the dresser.

It looked like there was a picture frame and some kind of chain sitting out on the polished wood. You tentatively stepped forward, nervously glancing around. Would Dilan catch you snooping? But you had to know…

You picked up the frame and immediately felt sick. There was a photograph inside of a beautiful woman. He was smiling joyfully into the camera, wind whipping at her hair. She wore a gorgeous dress and was coyly holding the hem down as the wind threatened to blow it up.

You brushed your shaking fingertips over the glass. Someone else had held this photo recently; the dust was thick and caked around the frame, but the glass had been hastily cleaned, so the woman’s beautiful smile could be seen through a haze of dust.

‘This wasn’t a photo taken by a friend or family member… this is an intimate picture,’ you thought forebodingly. Your whole body shook as you set the frame down. It fell face down with a clatter, but you didn’t bother to right it.

You glared at the chain, which you now recognized up close as a necklace – a locket. The golden outside engraved with ‘Love’ was mocking you, hinting as to what was inside. You clenched your eyes shut and grabbed the locket, wrenching it open. You tried to calm your nervous heart; it felt like it was going to leap out of your chest. Did you really want to see? Did you really want to know? … But you already knew; you just had to confirm.

You opened your eyes, the tears threatening to spill down your cheeks. You saw Dilan, smiling and proud in one picture, and the woman, happy and serene in the other. With a sob, you dropped the locket back onto the dresser and hugged yourself. The tears spilled out of your eyes.

So, this was it. You were a fine toy for his Nobody when you didn’t have hearts – but now, there was some long-lost love of his he was determined to find. He’d keep you around as a back-up plan in case his first choice didn’t pan out.

You felt like you were literally going to be sick. Your cheeks burned from hot tears and your own embarrassment at how’d stupid you’d been. You ran out of the room, not bothering to close the door.

* * *

“I fetched Dilan for you, Ienzo.” With a puzzled glance, Aeleus led the raven-haired man into the lab and returned to his computer station. He had no idea why the young scientist had so earnestly asked for the taciturn guard; they never talked much. Dilan seemed equally confused and just stared at Ienzo expectantly. Aeleus couldn’t help but listen in blatantly.

“Dilan. I have to tell you that I engaged in some deception today. It may seem cruel at first, but I’m sure you’ll come to see it as the correct course of action. The status quo was no longer acceptable.”

Dilan just tipped his head slightly to one side, seemingly amused. Then, his expression became gravely concerned when Aeleus chimed in to ask if this was about you.

“Yes. Exactly right, Aeleus. Her.” Ienzo took a deep breath. “Dilan, it’s obvious you have feelings for her. Strong ones – real ones. That is what drew her here in the first place. But you refuse to acknowledge them, and the situation has grown… tiresome.” Ienzo clasped his hands behind his back. “And so, that is why, under the pretense of asking her to deliver some reports, I told her to go into your room.”

“My room,” Dilan repeated confusedly. Then, realization suddenly dawned on his face, and he gripped his spear in both hands. “You _bastard_ ,” he roared. “You had no right!”

Aeleus stepped between his two colleagues as Ienzo stepped backwards slowly and Dilan advanced towards him.

“I know I was too young to understand what happened, but a lot of time has passed. These memories you torture yourself with-”

“You’ve never loved someone like that! Been cursed with loving someone like this! You’ve never known,” Dilan raged, glaring at both the men in front of him.

“Enough,” Aeleus boomed, glaring at the black-haired man. “Ienzo loved Ansem; that man was like a father to him. To all of us. And we took that away.” That gave Dilan pause, and he looked away sheepishly. Aeleus took advantage of the silence to continue. “And what Ienzo was trying to say before is that you think you are only hurting yourself, but you are causing pain to someone else now.” Dilan’s shoulders slumped. “Right now, there is a woman in this castle probably crying her eyes out over what she saw.” Aeleus stepped forward and placed a hand on Dilan’s shoulder. “I will admonish Ienzo. Right now, I think you need to go to her and explain everything.”

“And beg forgiveness,” Ienzo grumbled from the back.

Dilan dropped his spear onto the floor and took off running from the lab. With a sigh, Aeleus turned to Ienzo and gave him a withering glance. “Next time you try to play Cupid, won’t you consult with me first,” the tall man quipped.

Ienzo shrugged. “Do you honestly think there was a better way?”

Aeleus slowly picked up Dilan’s lance, looking down at it sadly. “No, I suppose not,” he murmured. “When someone has mired themselves in darkness for so long, even the dimmest light can hurt their eyes. Convincing them that it’s worth it to go through that pain in order to live in the light again is never easy.”

* * *

Dilan stared in horror at the open locket and the knocked over photo. It was as if his worst nightmare had come true. Swearing, he ran down the hall to your room. The door was locked and he desperately threw his weight against it.

“Go away,” he heard you call from inside, your voice choked with tears. Dilan dropped to his knees, his chest so tight that he couldn’t breathe. He called your name again and again, pounding on the door. “I said go away, Dilan! I saw everything, I know! Just leave me alone!”

“No, you don’t! You don’t understand – I don’t feel anything for her anymore, I’m not-”

“You expect me to believe that? You’re pathetic!”

“I… I know it sounds insane, but please just hear me out!”

You laughed bitterly. “You’ve barely wanted to talk for weeks, and now you want to spill your guts because I’ve figured out your scam? You think I’m just going to stay here as your backup in case your first choice doesn’t come back?”

That’s not it, I swear,” he said, placing his hand on the door. “You’re right in that I am pathetic, and you have every right to be angry with me.” His voice cracked. “I… I love _you_. I _only_ love _you_. Please. Come down to the rose garden in one hour. I’ll explain everything then.” He paused but didn’t hear a response. He called your name. Still nothing. “I’ll be waiting,” he finally said before walking away.

* * *

Dilan looked up at the moon, waiting anxiously to see if you’d arrive. He never realized how much he missed the regular moon with its changing phases and clusters of stars instead of swarms of hearts. It was actually calming to look at and not just a reminder of what he had lost.

“You didn’t call me out here just to stargaze, did you?”

Dilan turned to see you sullenly leaning against the castle wall, next to a bush of Black Baccara in full bloom. “I didn’t hear you come up.” You didn’t say anything. “Thank you for coming to listen.”

You just shrugged, wrapping your arms around yourself. “Can you make it quick? It’s chilly out here.”

He started to take off his jacket to give you, but the murderous glare you gave him in return stopped him in his tracks. “I’ll try to be as direct as possible, but it is a long story.” Dilan clasped his hands behind his back and stood up straighter. He couldn’t believe he was about to tell you all this. He hoped the darkness and his stature could hide the fear he felt and his quickening heartbeat. “I was a guard here for years with Aeleus before Xehanort came. In fact, Aeleus and I went through special training together to work as a team to guard Ansem the Wise and this castle. It was all I ever wanted to do.”

“Then, why…” you couldn’t help but interrupt.

“Why did I betray him? It… was not his fault, frankly. It honestly had nothing to do with him.” Dilan exhaled. Your eyes shone in the dark, filled with curiosity. “I met a woman in town one day. We… got along. I grew to care for her the more I saw her. She came to care for me… but it was not… equal,” Dilan said, stumbling over the last word. “One day, I asked to meet her at the fountain, where we had first met. At sunset. I told her that I had things I needed to discuss with her. She said the same.” Dilan’s fists were white-knuckled as he clenched them tight behind his back. “I went there to give her a gift. To show her that I wanted our lives to be more intertwined. She… wanted the opposite. To this day… I still don’t know how I got it all so… so wrong. I was devastated. Heartbroken. I didn’t know what to do.” Dilan glared down at the ground. He couldn’t bring himself to meet your eyes. What if they were filled with pity? Or contempt? “After that, Braig and Xehanort came by often. Talking to me about the foolishness of emotions, poisoning me with their ideas about darkness and controlling the weakness of hearts.” Dilan sighed, rubbing his forehead. “I’m not blaming her. Or them. I was weak. And short-sighted. And disloyal. I let pain and vanity blind me… no, consume me. I willingly let the worst parts of myself take over and control me. And so, I became Xaldin.”

“… So, that’s why…” you finally murmured after a while. Dilan forced himself to look at you. You had drawn closer and wore a pained expression. You furrowed your eyebrows and blinked rapidly. “But – but, I mean, that doesn’t _really_ explain-”

“I know.” Dilan sighed. “Those things… they weren’t kept in the hope that she would come back. Before I became a Nobody, they were items to focus my rage on. My anger. My hatred. And once I came back, they… they were a punishment. To remind myself of how far I left myself fall just because I was angry. I gave up my heart, because someone broke it. And I gave up the hearts of my friends. And wrought unspeakable evil on countless worlds. And every time I saw those things, I remembered that. There is no doubt that I’m a monster. But, more than all of that… why I have been so distant with you is… it’s that…” Dilan struggled for the words. “I couldn’t make someone happy even when I wasn’t a monster. I read the situation incorrectly. Like I said, to this day I don’t understand. Back when I didn’t think we had hearts – back when I was Xaldin – I was distant at first for the same reasons, but when I succumbed, er, Xaldin succumbed, it was like a game. A dream without consequences. But after I awoke and saw you unconscious on the floor here, I realized what I had been feeling the whole time.”

“The whole time?”

“Yes. From the day your Nobody appeared. You were intelligent. Creative. Capable. Your own person. … Utterly beautiful. You were devastating to me whenever I saw you.” In the dim light, Dilan saw his words were causing you to blush. “But I was still so filled with rage. At myself. At despair that I never knew true love. And never would. But, after being close to you, I couldn’t help myself. I couldn’t resist.” Dilan shifted his weight. “But how would it be fair to you now to be asked to receive the love of this monster, now that you see what I am? Love from me, who has never made myself or another truly happy? These are the questions I asked myself again and again while I stared at that picture.” He grimaced. “And I ended up hurting you. I called you out here to see that I have finally given my past a burial,” he said, stepping off the pile of freshly turned earth he had been standing on. “It was wrong of me to keep all of this hidden from you. And for my heart to have been so stuck in the pain and anger of the past. I understand if you want to leave. But I couldn’t have you leave without knowing the truth.”

Suddenly, your lips were pressed against his. He groaned, pulling you closer to him. He loved to feel you fully pressed against him like this, barely any space between your bodies. He loved the feeling of your fingers tangled in his hair. And your lips were so warm and so soft.

“Thank you,” you murmured after pulling away, “for telling me everything. I think I understand a bit better now. And thank you for this,” she added, looking down at the ground. “A burial is respectful towards everything in the past. I would’ve been disappointed if you, I don’t know, destroyed everything.”

“I’m not Saix,” Dilan muttered. You laughed at that, and his heart lifted. He loved that sound.

“You’re not a monster,” you said, holding his hands. “We all make mistakes. I did the same things as you when I was a Nobody. And…” your voice dropped to a whisper, “I love you, too.” Dilan gasped. It felt like his heart was going to burst. “Will you… come by my room tomorrow night,” you asked softly.

“If you’ll have me,” Dilan answered reverently.

* * *

You were anxious all the next day as you waited for Dilan to arrive that night. You couldn’t believe what you were planning to try and pull off… but after he had explained everything to you, finally opened up everything he had been keeping locked away in his heart… you wanted to show him unequivocally how much you cared about him. But, at the same time, kind of show him that you shouldn’t be messed with.

Also, it is a universally agreed-upon fact that there is nothing sexier than a sexy guy bearing his heart and soul. So, as emotionally poignant as the moment had been last night, it had also gotten you weirdly hot and bothered.

So, that night, when you heard a knock at the door, you mustered up all of your courage. “C-come in,” your voice quavered out, despite your best attempt.

Dilan entered, his long, black hair pulled back and his purple eyes smoldering as always. You had given yourself a whole day to prepare, but you were still intimidated by how jaw-droppingly handsome he was. With a nervous glance, you gestured for him to sit on the bed. In the awkward silence of the room, you were close to losing your nerve – until you saw that Dilan looked just as nervous while he took a seat. It dawned on you that he didn’t know what to expect, either. Maybe he was wondering if you’d changed your mind after rethinking through everything today.

You stood up a bit taller. You had to do this. If Dilan needed someone else to take control for just a bit and lead the way, then you wanted to show that you could be that person.

Striding over to the bed, you climbed up and straddled Dilan’s lap. He moaned as you brought his hand to your ass. You took the opportunity to give him an aggressive kiss, slipping your tongue into his mouth and taking control immediately. He pressed his tongue against yours and kneaded the soft swell of your skin, groaning happily. Breaking the kiss, you grabbed the hem of his shirt and lifted it over his head. Leaning back, you admired his broad chest and chiseled abs, running your hands up and down the front of his body. Then, you pressed his chest back and laid him down on the bed.

You talked to him as you started to take your clothes off. “Dilan, you know that I’m yours, right? I think we’ve established that fact.”

“Yes,” he grunted, watching you adoringly from below as your breasts and stomach were exposed.

“Well, thinking over all of what you told me yesterday, I don’t know if we’ve gone over _all_ the facts we need to,” you purred, leaning down so Dilan could greedily take your breasts into his mouth. He was ignoring your words and cupping your breasts in his hands, squeezing as he attacked both nipples with his tongue, flicking and swirling. You faltered for a split second; it felt so fucking good, maybe you should just forget your plan… you shook your head. No. He had to learn a lesson. “I don’t think that you fully understand that not only am I yours… but _you’re_ also _mine_.

With a snap of your fingers, rope sprang out and wrapped itself around Dilan’s wrists and ankles. He snarled as the rope quickly pulled itself taut, forcing him into a spread-eagle position on the bed.

“What is this,” he yelled, struggling violently.

“Magic rope,” you said calmly, getting off from on top of him and removing your clothes. “You wouldn’t believe how easy it is to find down in the town marketplace.” You finished removing the rest of your clothes. Dilan was glaring at you, but you also noticed a sizeable tent in his trousers. OK, good, so he was liking it, just a bit surprised.

“And just what do you intend to do with me,” he growled, his eyes raking over your naked body.

“I told you already,” you murmured. “I’m going to make you realize that you’re mine.” You moved forward to start undoing Dilan’s pants. You heard his breath hitch as you reached inside the fabric, gripping his already hard shaft and exposing it to the air. “My, my – you are naughty! This hard already,” you remarked, giving his rigid length a few strokes. Dilan groaned, straining at the ropes. But they held him securely. You loved the feeling of his hot shaft in your hand, the sight of the beads of precum forming at the tip. “I was hoping not to have to use this, but I don’t want you cumming too soon, so…”

You snapped your fingers a second time, and a small coil of rope appeared and tied itself around the base of Dilan’s thick cock. He swore loudly, bucking his hips up. Seeing his muscled body pull and work against the ropes made you incredibly wet. And there was something a little deviant about him not being fully undressed; his rock-hard cock exposed and twitching above the waist band of his pants made you feel so dirty and horny.

“Are you just going to stare at me all night,” Dilan growled, glaring over at you.

You giggled and ghosted the fingertips of one hand along the underside of his cock while you used the other hand to rub your clit. “Maybe? You are incredibly sexy, even just like this. I could probably cum just from looking at you.”

“Don’t you dare,” he grunted while trying to buck his hips into your palm.

You pulled your hand away, smirking. “You’re awfully mouthy for someone completely at my mercy.” Climbing back onto the bed, you straddled his legs and bent your face down to his cock, pressing small kisses to the taut, hardened skin. Then you pursed your lips around the very tip of his cock and suckled the precum covered slit. “Now, you’ll only get more of that if you tell me what I want to hear,” you said, pulling away slightly and licking your lips. “When was the first time you thought about fucking me? How often did you think about it?” You gave small licks to the underside of Dilan’s cock, waiting for him to start talking.

“Ngh – I already told you that I had to leave the room every time you entered. Well, it was unbearable for … another reason as well. I don’t know the first time it happened, but you’d start talking, and I’d just imagine stuffing that pretty mouth of yours full with my cock…”

Pleased with what you were hearing, you took the top half of his shaft into your mouth and swirled your tongue around.

“Fuck, yes – and if I saw you spar, I’d just picture you under me, sweating and moaning while I fucked you senseless.”

You lowered down to the rope around the base of his cock, taking all of him in your mouth.

“Yes! Like that, you fucking slut. It got so bad that I’d have to leave the room to calm down whenever I saw you.”

You worked your hand into his pants and moved your mouth away so you’d be able to have access to his balls. After freeing them, you bent down to them and took them into your mouth.

“God, every time I came, I’d wish I was spraying it all over you. Coating you. Filling you.”

Releasing his balls with an audible smack of your lips, you swung your body and pivoted to straddle Dilan’s chest. You kept your pussy out of the reach of his mouth, but you were sure that he was getting a tantalizing view. “This pussy? You got off while thinking about pounding this pussy right here,” you teased, wiggling your hips a little. You smirked as you started bobbing your mouth up and down on Dilan’s dick and you felt him straining at the ropes, trying to break free.

“Yes, that tight little cunt of yours. Fuck, I can smell it from here. I can see how fucking wet you are. You’re trying so hard with all this teasing, but you’re really just aching for my dick, aren’t you?”

You decided to give him a little show. You stopped playing with his balls and brought your hands back to your pussy, using one hand to rub your clit and the other to finger your own opening. You felt Dilan’s cock twitch in your mouth.

“Oh, yes, filthy girl. You want it so fucking bad, don’t you? Stretch out that hole for me, that’s right.” You started to moan as you continued to blow him. You were so turned on. With his cock in your mouth, the friction on your clit, your fingers inside of you, and Dilan’s words – you were going to cum. You had no idea that just this could make you climax so fast! “Let me taste that cum. Bring that dripping little pussy up to my face,” Dilan growled.

Gasping, you released his cock and used your hands and knees to shimmy up towards his face. Dilan immediately got to work, rubbing your clit furiously with his wet tongue. You cried out as your orgasm hit you, making your knees shake and your walls spasm. Dilan moved his tongue to inside of you, swirling it around to lap up all of your juices. You whimpered as you felt his strong tongue rubbing against your pulsing walls. It was very nearly overstimulating. But it felt so good! If only…

“I know what you want, girl. If you release the ropes, I can rub your clit and eat you out at the same time. I can feel it – you need to cum again,” Dilan said, as if reading your mind.

You bit your lip. The plan had been to keep him tied up the whole time… but his offer was tempting. If you released his arms, you could still have the rope tie them up anytime again, right? So, you were basically still in control. “Alright, fine. But, just your arms – and just so you can make me cum!”

As soon as you snapped your fingers, Dilan lunged forward, sitting up and grabbing you roughly by the hips. He stuck his tongue as deep as it could go into you. One of his hands moved to rub your clit and the other came to the back of your neck and roughly shoved your mouth down onto his cock. His thick shaft muffled your indignant shout as the head of his cock collided with the back of your throat.  You could barely breathe, and the smell and taste of Dilan’s musk filled your nose and throat. Dilan used his muscled arms to shift your legs up onto his shoulders, while still keeping his tongue buried inside you and your face pressed down to his crotch.

Your eyes teared up as his hips bucked up into your mouth. Your jaw ached and your neck was tense as he held you in place, his cock sliding against your tongue. You couldn’t believe how quickly he had turned the tables on you – or how aroused you were from how roughly he was treating your mouth. Dilan was face-fucking you mercilessly, your body was at his control – suspended on his own, and you were unable to do anything about it because his fingers and tongue were making you cum again and again, over and over into his mouth.

Finally, he let up the pressure on the back of your head and removed his tongue. Coughing, you brought your legs down from his shoulders and pulled your back up, so you were effectively straddling his lap. Then, you felt his chest press up against your back and a hand gently but firmly wrap around your neck.

“Now,” Dilan growled into one of your ears, “you had better let my legs out of these fucking ropes.”

“Or- or what,” you stammered. Your heart was beating wildly in your chest. You were ashamed of how turned on this scenario was making you.

Dilan’s grip around your neck tightened just a fraction. “Or you don’t get the hard fuck you’re really craving. You know you want this. And you know you love me ramming into you more than riding me. Don’t deny yourself this.”

You gulped. Your willpower was faltering. Even after cumming so much, he was right – you needed him taking you from behind, making you scream his name. Clenching your eyes shut, you snapped your fingers again.

As the ropes slid off Dilan’s legs and from around his cock, he quickly flipped you over onto the bed, your ass up in the air and your chest pressed into the mattress.

“You are unbelievable,” he said raggedly.

You turned your head and looked back at him. He was looking down on you with an utterly animalistic hunger, and he was ripping his pants off. He took his massive cock and started rubbing it against your slick folds. You whimpered as you felt it start to slide easily into your sensitive opening.

“No one has _ever_ dared to do something like this before. I never imagined it would be so… so…” Dilan shook his head and moved both his hands to your hips. “I’ve never lost control like that. Are you ready to be punished for your insubordination,” he growled, digging his calloused fingertips into your soft skin.

“Yes,” you moaned loudly, bracing yourself on your elbows.

“Whose are you,” Dilan roared as he plunged himself into you, his cock gliding in easily from how slicked up you both were.

“Yours,” you screamed in pleasure as he set a brutal pace, pulling out fully and slamming back into you as quickly as he could.

“That’s right! No one else could satisfy you like this – fuck you like this – you insatiable little cockslut,” Dilan yelled, ramming his hips forward.

“Yes, yes – only you!” The feeling of his cock smashing into you was driving you close to another orgasm. His cock was huge and the angle made it so he was hitting _that_ spot inside of you – that spot that had you seeing stars and screaming at the top of your lungs.

“I-I’m going to cum! Fuck, you’ve had me at the edge for so long!”

“Fill me up, Dilan! Please!”

Dilan groaned, and you felt his pace falter. Then, he pressed himself as deep inside of you as he could go, and you felt him empty himself into you in spurts. You came immediately from how deep he was pressed into you and from the sensation of him coating your inner walls.

“Dilan… yes…” you murmured happily. Dilan just gasped for breath and pressed small kisses along your back. After his orgasm was finished, he pulled out of you, and the two of you curled up together on top of the sheets.

“So… does this mean that… I’m totally forgiven?” Dilan was panting, trying to catch his breath.

“Yeah, I’d say you learned your lesson,” you said cheekily.

“That was… that was…”

“Divine?” You smirked and kissed his nose.

Dilan chuckled. “Well, yes. But also a little bit devilish. I never knew how much fun it would be on the other side of the ropes.” He nibbled your ear. “You’re quite good at that, you know. Are those ropes good for more than just one use?”

You raised your eyebrows. “Eager for more already?”

“I’m certainly eager to try them on you.”

* * *

The chandeliers in the ballroom shone spectacularly for the first time in many years. The hall was filled with smiles and laughter. Music was in the air as a band played into the night and couples danced.

Dilan surveyed it all contentedly. He couldn’t believe what a fantastic job you’d done; you had really outdone yourself this time, even for you.

He gave a nod to Aeleus and Ienzo on the other side of the hall. It had taken a little bit of time for Dilan to forgive Ienzo for his deception, but ultimately Dilan had ended up thanking him. If it hadn’t been for Ienzo, Dilan didn’t know if he’d have ever worked up the nerve to explain everything to you.

“Hey! I think I’ve greeted the last guest. Ready to take me around for a spin on the floor?”

Dilan grinned as you walked up to him and twirled in your dress. “Of course. I’ve been waiting all night for you to say that.”

You grinned right back at him and took one of his hands, eagerly pulling him to the dance floor as the band started the tune for a waltz. “Well, any way I can make it up to you?”

His heart started to pound faster. The heart that you had helped him find again. With his free hand, Dilan felt in his pocket for the small, velvet box that he had gone into town to buy earlier that day. “It just so happens that I have an idea.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who's finished this work, and I'm so sorry it took so horribly long! I really hope you enjoyed it! I'd love to read your comments if you'd care to leave one.
> 
> I think this might be my last KH fic for a while. I've had some other draft stories in the works for other characters: Saix/Isa, Lexaeus/Aeleus, of course another Xigbar/Braig/what even is his real identity anymore?is that eyepatch even covering an injured eye or is that a lie, too, hmmm??? because he is my all-time favorite, despite (or because of?) his constant deception, but I can't seem to get the right tone with any of them, no matter how many times I revise and come back to them. I'm not very happy with them, so I'm going to try focusing on other fandoms for a bit and see if I want to come back to KH. But comments always encourage me, so please let me know if there's a character you really want to interact with more and maybe inspiration will strike!


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